I’m not one to make resolutions for the new year. I have in the past, but it seems like I’d either get bored or the (admittedly self-imposed) pressure would be too much and it became paralyzing rather than inspiring. I know myself better now. I know I am capable of achieving major goals and completing big projects, and I’m more self-assured. I have a lot of work to do on myself physically and spiritually for sure, but I’m more aware of what actually motivates me and what just doesn’t work. So this year, I made zero resolutions, and I’m not a bit worried about that. Instead, I chose a word for this year, one that I feel will ground me and keep my actions aligned with my overall intentions: resilient.
Last year was difficult. There was a lot of transition in our household, and while I struggled plenty, I also feel proud of how hard I’ve worked for our family to keep things afloat. I didn’t make a lot of time to wallow in self-pity (though I did make a little time, naturally). I learned a lot about myself, what I truly need and what I can live without. I’m no longer spending my prayers asking God to make life easier or simpler; I’m trusting that He’s right beside me whatever I face.
For my purposes, resilient can be viewed not just as tough. Rather, when I think of resilient in relation to myself, I think of these two phrases: strong but soft and quietly rebuilding. I am proud of who I am becoming, but I want to hold on to the parts that make me the most myself. I’m an INFJ. I’m an Enneagram 9. I’m a Hufflepuff, for Pete’s sake. No one would describe me as tough. But they might say I’m strong in my convictions and in my determination to do my best. And they’d certainly say I’m soft, in my love for others and giving nature. While last year did its best to knock me flat out, I’m still standing, albeit it shakily some days. I want to rebuild my heart, patch up my wounded ego and make it better. I’m not trying to create something flashy and gilded, but something steady and true that stands through storms and lets the sunshine right in.
I’ve got my word posted where I can’t miss it, so I can reflect on my journey often. This isn’t a resolution, per se, so the results aren’t exactly visibly measurable. Any change will likely go unnoticed by others. That’s alright. I think I’ll be able to tell, and that will be enough.